Bold & Fearless Football Predictions
August 8, 2006 9:55 AM
Eastern Illinois- EIU is one of the premiere teams in Division I-AA. Which means they should keep it close for about a quarter or so. Whoever gets the start at quarterback (please please please let it be Juice!), they'll look like a superstar after this one. Of course, so will everyone else on our team, except maybe the punter. Rejoice, Illini fans, this one will remind you of the good ol' days when we could light up the scoreboard with the best of 'em. Final score: Illinois 48, Eastern 7
(1-0)
@Rutgers- We stole one from a pretty good Rutgers team last year, and there's no way they've forgotten. Although they have some serious question marks, like a QB who threw for 2 TDs last year against 10 interceptions, they still have one of the best 1-2 combinations at running back in the country. Remember Brian Leonard, the big white fullback who hurdled our cornerback en route to a 80-plus-yard touchdown? He's back, as is their tailback who led all freshmen in the Big East last year. And since the Illini defense gave up about 37 yards per carry last year, expect us to get worked over thoroughly. A demoralizing loss for the orange and blue. Final score: Rutgers 35, Illinois 20.
(1-1)
Syracuse- Remember when the 'Cuse was a powerhouse? Guys like McNabb, Freeney, Harrison? Yeah, those days are gone. Syracuse is awful. They're even awful by Illinois standards. They won one game last year (against Buffalo), and they lost their top offensive player from that team. The best thing Syracuse has going for them is their cool throwback helmets with the numbers on them. (Those helmets, by the way, are exactly what our throwback helmets would look like; I love 'em!) Final score: Illinois 27, Syracuse 17
(2-1)
Iowa- I hate these f***ers. More than you can possibly imagine. And I think they're probably the most overrated team in the country for the past three years. But not even in my wildest delusional fantasies can I justify predicting an upset here. Drew Tate will launch himself to the front of the Heisman debate after this game (fortunately he'll still have plenty of time to piss it all away against legitimate Big10 defenses). I'm already getting angry just thinking about this game. Final score: Iowa 42, Illinois 13
(2-2, 0-1)
@Michigan State- I'm tempted to call for the upset here. I know we lost 61-14 last year. I know MSU averaged something like 11 yards per play against us in that game. But I also know they collapsed immediately following that game and won only one of their final seven games, missing a bowl for the second straight year. John L. Smith is a lousy coach and an even worse disciplinarian and his team is ripe for an upset. I wish we had them at home this year. As it is, I can't go out on a limb quite yet. Final score: MSU 31, Illinois 24
(2-3, 0-2)
Indiana- Now we're getting somewhere. Indiana is vastly improved over previous years (decades, for that matter). They have, I think, the best wide receiver in the country in James Hardy (10 TDs in 10 games as a freshman last year). But they're still Indiana. Although Hardy might just challenge every single-game receiving record against our embarrassingly bad corners, I still think we're stronger in almost every other area and should prevail. Could be another epic grudge match between the 10th and 11th best teams in the Big10 (we've gone to overtime with them twice in recent years), but I think we prevail. Final score: Illinois 38, Indiana 35
(3-3, 1-2)
Ohio- Ah, the beauty of the 12th game. Gotta love the NCAA for letting all the BCS schools buy another home game and a cheap W, while giving the little schools a nice payday in exchange for an ass-kicking that might cripple them for the stretch run in their mid-major conference. Fortunately for Ohio U, Illinois is unlikely to hurt anyone too badly, so it should work out well for them. I'll be completely honest, I don't know a thing about the Bobcats except they finished lower division in the MAC last year, which is good enough for me to predict a final score of: Illinois 41, Ohio 21
(4-3, 1-2)
Holy crap, we have a winning record in October! When was the last time that happened??? And we're a mere two wins away from being bowl eligible. Is there any stopping the resurgent Illini? Well, actually yes....
@Penn State- The good news is PSU won't be as good as they were last year. The bad news is they put up 56 points on us in one half last year before pulling their starters. Let me tell ya, there are few things more humiliating than knowing JoePa has called off the dogs with 35+ minutes of football left. I can't imagine this game being a whole lot better. Final score: Penn State 49, Illinois 10
(4-4, 1-3)
@Wisconsin- The Barry Alvarez Era is over. Even better, they hired some retard from Iowa as his replacement. I give it four years before Wisky is back in the Big10 cellar like they were throughout the 80's (and the 70's, and the 60's, and the 50's....you get the idea). The bad news is Bucky Badger still has enough left over talent (i.e. big mean offensive linemen) to throttle our undersized and poor tackling defense. It might be close, but they will wear us down and walk all over us in the end. Final score: Wisconsin 28, Illinois 16
(4-5, 1-4)
Ohio State- What can I say about this game to give you even the slightest inkling of hope....Well, Lou Tepper had a stretch where he dominated the Buckeyes, and we consistently beat them even when they were better than us. And that is the only good thing that can ever be said for Lou Tepper. The Buckeyes have athletes at every position. Their quarterback, Troy Smith, is faster than anybody on our entire defense. Their wideout, Ted Ginn, is faster than any player that has ever put on an Illinois uniform. Ever. And I haven't even gotten into their defense, which may have lost three of the best linebackers in the country but is still bigger, faster, and stronger than anything we will see all year. Zook should bench Juice for this one just to save his psyche. Let Brasic take the beating. Final score: Ohio State 45, Illinois 7
(4-6, 1-5)
Purdue- After going to a bowl game for eight straight years, Joe Tiller's squad missed out for the first time in his tenure at West Lafayette. Most people are predicting a solid rebound for the Boilermakers this year. I am not. They have a suspect quarterback, an inexperienced running back, and a D-Line that lost two players to the NFL. I'm going way out on a limb here, but I think by mid-November Purdue will be sliding and the Illini will be just beginning to show signs of a future with Juice. Maybe I'm being unrealistic, or maybe I'm just overcompensating for picking us to lose that game to Rutgers that most Illini fans have already penciled in as a W, but I'm going with the upset here. Final score: Illinois 37, Purdue 31 (in Overtime)
(5-6, 2-5)
@Northwestern- First off, a moment of silence for Randy Walker....Now that we've paid our respects, let's be honest. The guy was a sleaze. Gary Barnett may have started the cheating ways at Northwestern, but Walker took them to new heights. Replacement coach Pat Fitzgerald, by all accounts, is a great guy and a class act, which means Northwestern will begin spiraling down the toilet in the very near future. But for this year they should have enough talent and raw emotion to keep the ship on course. They have to replace their four-year starting quarterback, and that will be a challenge. If my predictions hold up to this point, I'd love to walk into Evanston with a potential bowl berth on the line. The Wildcats will probably be right about the 5-6 win range too, so it could be a meaningful UI-NU matchup for the first time in, oh, 70 years or so. Unfortunately, I think the Mildcats have too much talent for us to overcome, but I'd be happy just to get to that position. Final score: Northwestern 37, Illinois 27
(5-7, 2-6)
Another year with no bowl game, but at least there's light at the end of the tunnel. Filed under: Illini Football
